In last week’s post, I shared a set of principles that guide how I’m building an antifragile life. The first principle on that list was Starting With What Matters.
At its core, this principle is about knowing what’s important to you — and that starts with knowing your values.
When I Didn’t Know My Values
Before I named my values, I made a lot of decisions based on what I should do, or what sounded like a good idea, or simply because I’d already committed — even if it didn’t feel right anymore.
Some choices worked out. Others didn’t. But what I often lacked was a clear why. I didn’t always have a solid starting point — no true north to return to when life felt overwhelming or uncertain.
The Shift: Naming What Matters Most
That changed when I finally sat down and really thought about the ideas and principles I wanted to guide my life.
Naming my values — the beliefs I wanted to be reflected in how I show up — changed my mindset.
Suddenly, the noise around me quieted. My priorities became clearer. There was less second-guessing and overthinking. And everyday decisions — big and small — came with less friction.
These values became anchors. They rooted me to what matters — especially when things around me were shifting fast. And as I started living them more intentionally, my behavior began to shift too. I started to feel more confident in my decisions. More in tune with myself. And more at peace in the situations and relationships I was navigating.
Imagine This...
Let’s bring this closer to home:
You’re offered a big promotion.
It doubles your salary — but also demands your evenings, weekends, and what little white space you’ve carved out for yourself.
Or…
You’re six months into recovering from illness. A close friend invites you on a whirlwind adventure abroad. It’s tempting… but your body still needs care and rest.
What do you decide?
When you’re clear on your values, the path forward doesn’t necessarily get easier — but it becomes clearer. You know what matters to you, and that gives you the power to choose from a place of integrity, not obligation.
What Are Core Values?
Core values are the beliefs that matter most to how you want to live. They guide how you spend your time, how you make decisions, and how you respond to the unexpected.
They are:
✨ Your internal compass
✨ A reflection of your identity and aspirations
✨ The bridge between who you are and who you’re becoming
Living Your Values in Real Life
Once I articulated my values — and more importantly, began living them — I noticed real change.
I started showing up with more clarity. I felt less pulled in a dozen directions. And I could say “yes” or “no” without agonizing — because I knew what I was choosing for.
Here’s a brief exercise to get you started on naming your values. For a more detailed exercise, download my Values Discovery Worksheet.
💡 Exercise: Define Your Values
Grab a notebook or open your notes app. Answer these:
- I feel most like myself when I’m…
- I lose track of time when I’m…
- I admire people who are…
- In difficult moments, I want to show up as someone who is…
Look at your answers. What themes come up again and again? Distill them down to 3–5 values. Write them down. Keep them somewhere meaningful.
For a more detailed exercise, download my Values Discovery Worksheet.
Values Evolve, Too
Writing this post actually nudged me to revisit a list of values I’d written for myself a few years ago.
Some still ring true.
Others… not so much.
So I gave myself permission to tweak them.
In my twenties, my values were all about Adventure, Freedom, and Challenge.
Today, I’m leaning into Kindness, Curiosity, and Purpose.
And that’s not a loss — it’s growth. Adventure, freedom, and challenge are still important to me, but I now experience those through my updated set of primary values.
Reflecting on those changes opened my eyes to the value of lived experience — how our seasons shape what matters, and how growth is often less about holding on, and more about letting go.
Let Your Values Be Your Anchor
In a world full of noise, trends, expectations, and shifting circumstances — your values can be the quiet truth you return to.
They won’t always give you a perfect answer. But they will give you something stronger: a foundation.
And that makes you more capable of evolving through change — not just surviving it.
So here’s your next bold new quest:
🌀 Get clear on what matters to you.
📌 Let that clarity shape how you live.
🌱 And don’t be afraid to evolve.
✨ Bonus: Putting Your Values to Work
Here’s a quick guide to using values in everyday life:
In Relationships:
Use your values to set boundaries, choose who you invest in, and navigate conflict with clarity.
In Career:
Let your values define success — not someone else’s ladder. Seek work that aligns with purpose, not just prestige.
In Health:
Make choices rooted in vitality and self-respect. Let your values cut through trends and lead you toward what genuinely supports your body and mind.
✨ Ready to Clarify What Matters to You?
If you’re feeling pulled in a dozen directions or craving more alignment in your decisions — start with your values.
Download my free Values Discovery Worksheet (see link below) to help you uncover your core values and start using them to guide your next bold step — in life, career, health, or relationships.
